Friday, June 24, 2011

On my Own

Our lives, or so it seems, happens in phases. Moments in time where there is a beginning of an era and end of an era. For me Lucy Memoirs documented the era of my childhood. Highlighted events that sculpted me into the person I am today. Although my childhood was an amazing one life would not let me be a child forever. I had to grow up, adapt to my surroundings, and take my place in this world. It was time to shed these childish days and become a man.

In December of 1999 I believe I took my first step towards becoming a man when I was given my first opportunity to leave the safety of my home and move out. But, I didn't move out of the house to live in an apartment across town or move in with a friend down the street, no I moved nearly 190 miles away to Nashville TN. Why Nashville? Several reasons.

After high school I received scholarships to two major schools in vocal performance, Ole Miss and University of Memphis. The out of state tuition at Ole Miss was not covered neither was my room and board so needless to say it would be quite expensive on my parents to send me there. University of Memphis was the obvious choice because it was cheaper, I could live at home, and I would be around friends and family. I heavily pursued music with the ambition to breaking big in the music scene and at the time become a country music superstar. I thought I had it all?. I had the voice, guitar, song writing ability but my location, Memphis, was horrible for this kind of launch. Nashville had always been the beacon of light for me, the city on the hill, the place where one day I knew I would end up. I remember my dad always telling me "son if you're gonna get out of this town do it while you're young, that way you have no ties and nothing to hold you back". At the time I didn't have any ties and practically everything to gain from this move.

I had also just finished my first semester of my sophomore year at Memphis and I was lost. I had committed nearly 100 hours towards music credits but knew that with this degree I could either teach music as a living or be one of those lifetime full time students who stuck around the music hall playing for whomever and where ever I was asked. Ha maybe even aspire to be some musical genius' TA or something. That being said the beginning of my sophomore year I switched majors to business to pursue that route and make my financial footprint on this world. Towards the end of my first semester nearly flunking stats, and Macroeconomics I was worn out on what my true path was. I needed a break. I needed to separate myself from my surroundings and see what Steve Childress was made of. Notice there has been no mention of Divine direction at this point because I flat out wasn't asking for it nor would I accept it.

One of my best friends from high school Andy Dockery was a Political Science major at Memphis and he was given a brilliant opportunity. During the second semester of his sophomore year he had the opportunity to serve as an intern in the state capitol under one of the House of Representatives. Where is the state capitol? Nashville! He accepted this opportunity around Thanksgiving during that first semester, approached me with the idea of he and I moving to Nashville together for a semester then rejoining the collegiate ranks that next Fall. I must say it was the perfect storm and the very break I was looking for to get out.

I broke the news to my parents, told them of my plans, and like most parents in a time like this they rejected the idea but deep down knew this day was coming. Early December shortly after the first semester ended Andy and I said good bye to our small town lives in Millington and hit the road to the beautiful city of Nashville.

We had made a couple of trips up there looking at what part of Nashville we'd be living in and also where I could get a job. Remember Andy had a job lined up already at the state capitol but me not so much. Up till then I had been working retail at American Eagle and various stores like that. While looking at different apartments I noticed the Gables had a job opening for an agent with them at the same complex we'd be living in. It was sales and great opportunity but I wasn't completely nuts about the idea. The very day I was packing I received a phone call from First Tennessee Bank, which I had applied weeks earlier, and they wanted to hire me as a teller. I immediately asked if there was an opening in Nashville and I was directed to the Hendersonville location which I was hired for. Things were looking up. We found a place to live at the Gable Apartments in Hendersonville TN and I had a little teller job going for me that I knew would lead me nowhere because bank work was NOT a career I planned on going into.

Andy and I moved in to a 2brm 2bath apartment that Christmas. We had no furniture besides our beds and dressers, no dishes and practically no idea what we were getting ourselves into. For the first month our living room furniture consisted of two folding lawn chairs and Andy's 45" TV mounted on a milk crate. I must say there is something extremely liberating about going out and picking your own stuff. Your own furniture, your own groceries, your own clothes etc. We were free and felt ten feet tall and bullet proof. We had no curfew, we could go wherever we wanted, we could buy whatever we wanted. In the words of Steve Martin we were "Two Wild and Crazy Guys"!

As liberating as it was those first few weeks getting off early on Christmas Eve and driving home had to be one of the most heart warming, exciting feelings I'd ever had. I had gone out and bought Christmas presents for everyone wrapped them myself, loaded them up in the truck and made my way home. I probably heard "I'll be Home for Christmas" about a dozen times and every time it brought a tear to my eye. I remember that dad was at the station that Christmas Eve so I decided to surprise him at the station before heading home. I stopped off at Kroger, picked up a cake, and surprised my dad. He was thrilled to see me. Mom told me later in life that my time in Nashville was the hardest on my dad, He missed seeing me and having me around. He missed our daily conversations and weekly lunches. I would be lying if I said I missed those things too. After I left dad I headed home to a full house. It was a scene from a Hallmark movie. We had my mom's side of the family over and they were already eating by the time I pulled into the driveway. I walked through the kitchen door and everyone seemed to stop what they were doing to come see me. It reminded me of the Folgers coffee commercial when the young man came home, brewed the coffee and his family walked in on home Christmas morning and the mom yelled "Peter" and hugged his neck. Cheesy I know but that's what it felt like. It was great being home and bittersweet returning to Nashville, but nevertheless I had to because Nashville was now home.

This move took place the Christmas of 1999 which meant right around the corner was the dreaded Y2K. Computer analyst were unsure if the worlds computer systems could handle the switch from 1999 to 2000. This of course in return caused a great fear through out the people of the world. Planes would fall out of the sky, technology as we know it would literally shut down and life as we know would soon cease. This was the scare called Y2K, the end of the world or apocolyist if you will. I was 20 years old at the time and the end of the world was the last thing on my mind. I was on my own in a hip city where life was happening not destruction. I had met this girl at work and she and I were to go out to dinner that New Years Eve then party the night away at a friend of hers party. We did just that, had a nice dinner in Nashville that night then ventured off to a party where I didn't know a soul aside from my date. Now while in college I went to several fraternity parties but never pledged. I had several friends in fraternities, but to me the idea just never seemed ideal. I was always around alcohol but never drank. This party reminded me of one of those parties and everyone got plastered, including my date. I of course, the only sober person in the room, maintained my socialism as far as it could have been understood. My date drank her self sick and it was my obligation to take her home. We left the party around 10:30 pm New Year's Eve night, I took her back to her apartment, put her to bed, and was back at my apartment by 11:30 pm. There I was alone, sitting in one of two lawn chairs in my living room, in the dark with nothing but the Dick Clark countdown on TV, and all I could think about was what all of my friends and family were doing that very night at that very moment and the fun they were having. The countdown began and there I sat. No one to hold, kiss, or high five. I had never felt nor have ever felt since, more alone as I did that night, by myself in my apartment bringing in the new millennium.

Needless to say I/We survived the turning of Y2K and my life in Nashville progressed forward. I will not go into all the details of my time in Nashville because it was what it was. An opportunity to escape my sheltered Lucy Memoirs life, sow my wild oats if you will, and see what kind of character, and man I wouldn come out as in the end. I had some unforgettable memories in Nashville such as being in attendance of the Titans vs Bills game when Titan's tight end Frank Wycheck threw a lateral pass to running back Kevin Dyson who ran a 75 yard touchdown winning the game 22-16 also known as the "Music City Miracle". The Titans went to the Super Bowl that year and it was electrifying to be apart of that excitement. It was during my stay in Nashville when Uncle David and Shane flew in from Houston, and Dad and Will drove up from Memphis to all spend the weekend with me. Will had spent the night with me at my apartment while everyone else stayed at our beloved Embassy Suites. Nashville had experienced a major snow storm overnight and Will and I knew we had to join the rest of the guys at the hotel. What typically is a 15 minute drive turned into an 1 1/2 drive to the Embassy but we got there just in time for all of us guys to sit around the breakfast table, enjoying a nice hot Embassy breakfast, looking out over an absolute beautiful snowy Nashville landscape. It was truly a Childress' men memory. Given that my roommate Andy was working on the Hill, and there was a Presidential election going on, he was able to get us front row seats to see Presidential incumbent Al Gore speak. Not by any means a Gore fan but nevertheless it was an experience indeed. I never have regretted my time in Nashville, not one bit. Some may question this move, but it was a key component in the developmental stages of me becoming a man.

Late May 2000, Andy's internship had ended and he needed to return home. The decsion was left up to me to either stay in Nashville and continue to make it my home or return back to my true home and build off of the life I had left. The cost of living is quite higher than it is in Memphis, and I still hadn't developed strong enough friendships to become someone elses roommate. I was still a small banker barely clearing $20,000 a year so I just couldn't make it work. Mom, Dad, and Will traveled up to Nashville, we rented a U-Haul, packed up my life in Nashville and made the long lonely trip home. What some may consider a failure I consider a foundation. A foundation in that I was able to survive without parental authority, the knowledge how life can be lived when one abandons their Divine authority, and to me I found out who Steve Childress really was. I begin with this story of Nashville because I do believe that it was Nashville that began this phase of manhood in my life and that would pave the way of better things to come. One in particular a young lady that would come back into my life.....for good.